Joke of the day

[mobe_45]

Two guys, one old timer and one young, are pushing their carts around Bunnings when they collide.

The old timer says to the young guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.

'The young guy says, 'That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'

The old guy says, 'Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?'

The young guy says, 'Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. 'What does your wife look like?'

The old timer says....... 'Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours.'


Most Old timers are helpful like that!

[slider]

 j45   

[tweezy50]

Little duck comes waddling into the hardware store.  Goes up to the clerk and asks, "Got any duck food?"

Clerk looks at him and says, "No we don't have any duck food.  We're a hardware store not a feed store!"

Next day the little duck waddles back and goes to the clerk,  "Got any duck food?"

The clerk looks at him a nd says, "I told you yesterday, we don't have any duck food!"

Next day the little duck comes back in.  The clerk sees him coming so he's prepared.
The little duck asks, "Got any duck food?"

The clerk says, "No we don't have any duck food and if you ask again I'll nai your feet to the floor with those roofing nails over there."

Bout a week later the little duck comes waddling in and goes to the clerk and asks, "Got any roofing nail?"

The clerk is amazed and tells the little duck, "No.  Just sold the last ones yesterday!"

Little duck says, "In that case,  got any duck food?"

[ode2god]

 j45 j41 got love those oldies !

[Pretty_Bird]

My dear friends,

Somewhat embarrassing to admit, I'm not getting an annual bonus and Christmas is tight this year. I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. Please let me know your sizes. You'll most likely agree that it's a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I've included the instructions below.
 
How to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads:

You need four maxi pads to make a pair.
Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part.
The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.
Tape or glue each sid e of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part.
Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most aesthetically appealing), etc.

These slippers are:
* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles

* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills
* Disposable and biodegradable
* Environmentally safe
* Three convenient sizes: (1.) Regular, (2.) Light and (3.) Get out the Sand Bags.

I've attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you can see the nifty slippers for yourself....

Awaiting your response. It's crucial that I get the right size for each one of you.

[ode2god]

 j45 j41 j45....do they come in pink ? j45 j41 j45

[wildergamebirds]

do they come in pink ?

  Didn't really think that one through, did you?

 

[DoubleL911]

It was so Windy here yesterday i saw a chicken lay the same egg 3 times.

[wildergamebirds]

  Lary, I think you stole that from Minnie Pearle.  Are you a member of Dave's Brittany message board?

[DoubleL911]

No haven't been on many boards.
Larry Lain

[ode2god]

do they come in pink ?

  Didn't really think that one through, did you?

 

course i did i like pink lol...

It was so Windy here yesterday i saw a chicken lay the same egg 3 times.

[Pheasant Hollow Farm]

  Lary, I think you stole that from Minnie Pearle.  Are you a member of Dave's Brittany message board?

I'll let that one go 

 Bait and switch

Steve
Pheasant Hollow Farm

[wildergamebirds]

  You're quicker than you look.

[CharlieHorse]

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping thru the forest road when she sees the big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.. ‘My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf.’ The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush. ‘My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf.’ Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. About 1/4 mile down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock. ‘My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf.’ With that the wolf jumps up and screams, ‘Will you knock it off, I’m trying to poop!’

[Pheasant Hollow Farm]

  You're quicker than you look.

You can correct, and then I will delete  j41

Steve
Pheasant Hollow Farm