Joke of the day

[Little Bear Game Farm]

 j41  Nothing like a good joke to get you going in the morning!

[Jake Levi]

If you get an email titled:   Nude Photos of Sarah Palin, dont open its most likely a virus.


If you get an email titled:  Nude Photos of Hillary Clinton, dont open it, it might be nude photos of Hillary Clinton.

[mobe_45]

Baby Airplanes

A mother and her son were flying on Southwest Airlines
> > from Dallas to
> > > Los Angeles . The son, who had been looking out the
> > window, turned to
> > > his mother and asked, 'If big dogs have baby dogs
> > and big cats have baby
> > > cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'
> > > The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told
> > her son to ask
> > > the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess,
> > 'If big dogs have baby
> > > dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big
> > planes have baby
> > > planes?'
> > > The stewardess responded, 'Did your mother tell
> > you to ask me?'
> > > The boy said, 'Yes, she did.'
> > > 'Well, then, tell your mother that there are no
> > baby
> > >
> > > planes because Southwest Airlines always pulls out on
> > time.
> > > Have your mother explain that to you.'

[jbird]

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT.  SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM........

"I've got problems.  Every time I go to bed I think there's  somebody under it.  I'm scared.  I think I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.

"I'll sleep on it," I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.

"Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money!  A bartender cured me for $10.  I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!"

"Is that so!"  With an attitude he asked....... "And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!  Ain't nobody under there now!"

SC*** THOSE SHRINKS...... GO HAVE A DRINK AND TALK  TO YOUR BARTENDER!!

[Pheasant Hollow Farm]

Blonde Joke 

Enjoy!

Steve
Pheasant Hollow Farm


A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."

Sure enough, pretty soon a snowplow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snowstorm, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to K-Mart now?"

[birdlover17]

Blonde Joke 

Enjoy!

Steve
Pheasant Hollow Farm


A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."

Sure enough, pretty soon a snowplow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snowstorm, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to K-Mart now?"

Hey Steve, leave the blondes alone dont make a joke out of them, their too hot  .        I'll post a brunette joke later.

[Pheasant Hollow Farm]

Well I found another one..

  enjoy!

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says:

'Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!'
 
The passerby says, 'You are mistaken, I am Mexican.'

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. ' Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!'

The person says, 'I not American, I Vietnamese.'

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful America!'

That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Middle East, and I am not American!'

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you an American?'
She says, 'No, I am from Africa!' Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the Americans?'

The African lady checks her watch and says... 'Probably at work!'


IF YOU DON'T PASS THIS ON TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS,
YOU WILL RECEIVE THREE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ABSOLUTELY FREE

Steve
Pheasant Hollow Farm

[Pheasant Hollow Farm]

Drafting Guys over 60       
----this is so funny & obviously written by a Former MARINE-----

New Direction for any war:  Send Service Vets over 60!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing @$$-backwards.  Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.  You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you’re  at least 35.

For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.  Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. “My back hurts!  I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry” we are impatient and maybe letting us kill some @$$ that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
 
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell.  Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-beech.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them.  In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.  We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food.  We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however.  I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any
pushups after completing basic training.  I can hear the Drill Sgt. In the “New Army” now, “Get down and give me ... er .. One.”

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl.  He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

If nothing else, put us on border patrol....We will have it secured the first night! 

Share this with your senior friends.  It's purposely in big type so you can read it.



Steve
Pheasant Hollow Farm

[greyghost]

God bless the USA.

 
Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a

 
White Trash Biker are all walking together one day.

 
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

 
'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', 

 
says the Genie.

 
The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm.  I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada '

 
POOF!  With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.

 
Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians

 
can come into our precious land.'

 
POOF!  Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

 
The Biker says, 'I am very curious.

 
Please tell me more about this wall.'

 
The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 5oo feet thick and completely surrounds the country.  Nothing can get in or out;

 
 it's virtually impenetrable.'

 
The Biker sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer, lites a cigar,

 
smiles and says,

 
 'Fill it with water.'

 
I pretty

[slider]

As far as the sex part of it goes I must be 18 and do not know it...kinda like the ol cowboy who found out he was a Lesbian...

[Reeves]

As far as the sex part of it goes I must be 18 and do not know it...kinda like the ol cowboy who found out he was a Lesbian...

I know that one.....and I may be one too ! 

[labmancan]

So that's why I been married 5 times, I AM a lesbian. Gotta get a tee shirt made.
 

[wildergamebirds]

So that's why I been married 5 times, I AM a lesbian. Gotta get a tee shirt made.
 

  You, too, may well be a lesbian.  However, the reason you've been married 5 times, is more likely because you are a masochist.  Reminds me of a true story.

[wildergamebirds]

  A sadist, and a masochist got married.

  Everyone knew it had to be a perfect match.

  On their wedding night, the masochist peeled, lay face down on the bed, and begged:  Oh baaaaaaby, beat me, beat me.











  "No"

[Jake Levi]

Two friends met in a bar, one was a Dem, the other a Conservative.

The Dem says " Every time Obama has a rally he gets 18-20,000 people and McCain only gets 10,000.

The Conservative answers "thats because most McCain supporters are working then".