Joke of the day

[yote1]

Do you know why gang bangers, hold and point there pistols sideways?  It comes in the box that way!

[mobe_45]

You should see them try to load those bullets that come standing up!

[ode2god]

Do you know why gang bangers, hold and point there pistols sideways?  It comes in the box that way!

j45

[Reeves]

Try to remember this is a kid site as well.....that one is in poor taste.

[ode2god]

 yer right reeves ,sorry  i  get a little goofy sometimes it was a vague  but suggestive comment i guess i just figuired as hunters yall'd think it funny..

[jbird]

WHY GOD MADE MOMS
           
All answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1.My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's    who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?   
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd GET rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

[tweezy50]

JBird,
From all of us mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers in the forum.....thank you for the laugh.

[ode2god]

  awesome jbird thanks for taking the time to post that j45

[jbird]

Thanks for the replies.   I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[labmancan]

HUSBAND DOWN
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans," he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them," demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price."
On the PA system: "Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down"

[tweezy50]

 j45

[labmancan]

More wifie stuff;
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage
man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your
wife,"
said one trooper.

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other.

One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really
great
news. Which do you want to hear first?
"Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news
first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we
found
your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked,

"What's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five
pound king crabs and 6 good -size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."

Stunned! Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the
great
news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

 

[tweezy50]

icky, but j45

[labmancan]

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa,
taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long,
Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard
heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!'
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down
to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the
leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was
one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?'

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike,
a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
'Whew!' says the leopard, 'That was close! That old poodle nearly had
me!'

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a
nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it
for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees
him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that
something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard,
spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says,
'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that
conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on
his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of
running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he
hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the
old poodle says.

'Where's that [beeep] monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring
me another leopard!

Moral of this story....

Don't mess with old farts... age and treachery will always
overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and
experience.

[Suz658]