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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 73847 times)
wildergamebirds
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« Reply #75 on: July 24, 2008, 09:54:59 AM »


  Hee Haw Hee Haw Hee Hahahaha!
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When nuts are outlawed, only outlaws will have nuts, look at France.
Reeves
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« Reply #76 on: July 30, 2008, 07:00:48 PM »

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
 
1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
   
2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
   
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
   
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.  Remember to use a timer.
   
5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
   
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough.
   
7. You need only two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
   
8. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem
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birddog
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« Reply #77 on: July 30, 2008, 10:13:07 PM »

              :grin: :grin:    hopefully #s 3 and  6 do not go together
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raising and breeding ringneck pheasants , bobwhite quail and English setters.  also have   turkeys, chickens, geese and pigs.. lions tigers bears oh my
wildergamebirds
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« Reply #78 on: July 30, 2008, 10:51:20 PM »


  Yuck
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When nuts are outlawed, only outlaws will have nuts, look at France.
Reeves
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« Reply #79 on: August 04, 2008, 08:53:42 AM »

There was a middle-aged guy who bought a brand new Mercedes convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it up to 80 mph, enjoying the wind Blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great" he thought, and floored it some more. He looked in his rear view mirror and there was a Florida Highway Patrol Trooper behind him, blue lights Flashing, and siren blasting. "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more and flew down the road at more than 120 mph.

And then he thought "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the State Trooper to catch up with him. The Trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man.

"Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and then I'm going on a two week vacation. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked back at the Trooper and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back" !!!

The State Trooper said, "HAVE A NICE DAY" !!!
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frank_lap_127
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« Reply #80 on: August 04, 2008, 10:33:16 AM »

 s020

This is not a joke but, one of my cousin have already been almost arrested by the police. Once the policeman came beside his car he told : "Excuse-me I know I was over the speed limit but I have a f s53
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wildergamebirds
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« Reply #81 on: August 04, 2008, 10:47:57 AM »

s020

This is not a joke but, one of my cousin have already been almost arrested by the police. Once the policeman came beside his car he told : "Excuse-me I know I was over the speed limit but I have a f s53


   I always thought it was the wine, rotten cheese, and the Germany soldiers marching through every few years.  I now see it is genetic.  s020
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When nuts are outlawed, only outlaws will have nuts, look at France.
frank_lap_127
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« Reply #82 on: August 04, 2008, 12:14:40 PM »

 s020

Forgot to finish my sentence... : ""Excuse-me I know I was over the speed limit but I have a f s53 need "to go to bathrooms".

Frank
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Jake Levi
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« Reply #83 on: August 05, 2008, 08:53:38 AM »



Problems from the ever ongoing battle of the raised/not raised toilet seat can be alleviated, by  refraining from laughing out loud when you hear the splash/exclamation in the middle of the night.  This isnot a sure thing though.



Best quote I have heard today, from 'Sir Charles Barkley',  " Poor people have been voting for the Democrats for 50 years, and they are still Poor! "
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Jake Levi
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"A government big enough to give you all that you want is big enough to take all that you have".
Thomas Jefferson
wildergamebirds
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« Reply #84 on: August 05, 2008, 12:39:29 PM »


Best quote I have heard today, from 'Sir Charles Barkley',  " Poor people have been voting for the Democrats for 50 years, and they are still Poor! "

  That's called Job Security.
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When nuts are outlawed, only outlaws will have nuts, look at France.
wildergamebirds
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« Reply #85 on: August 05, 2008, 12:40:43 PM »


  Would you really expect them to eliminate their constituency?
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When nuts are outlawed, only outlaws will have nuts, look at France.
Pheasant Hollow Farm
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EST. 2001 Owner/Operator Located in Slate, WV

« Reply #86 on: September 29, 2008, 05:11:55 AM »

Time to bring this one back up again, I saw this one recently.

Enjoy s020

A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below.

She shouts to him, 'Excuse me, can you help me. I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'

The man consults his portable GPS and replies, 'You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolls her eyes and says, 'You must be a Republican!'

'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?' Well,' answers the balloonist, 'Everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me.'

The man smiles and responds, 'You must be a Democrat.'

'I am,' replies the balloonist. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' says the man, 'You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault.


Steve
Pheasant Hollow Farm
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Specializing in Manchurian Ring-necked Pheasants and Melanistic Mutant Pheasants for release, propagation and the hunting community. Licensed by the State of WV. DNR# D6-42-23-GF1
slider
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What do you mean I have to press 1 for english.

« Reply #87 on: September 29, 2008, 07:31:50 AM »

 s020 s020 s020 s020
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I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands: one Nation under God, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all.
tweezy50
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« Reply #88 on: September 29, 2008, 08:12:33 PM »

Three women die and go to heaven
St. Peter tells them , "There is one rule up here.  Never step on a duck."
There are thousands of ducks all over. 
The first day, the first lady steps on a duck.  St. Peter sees this and brings a very ugly guy with him and chains her to the man and tells her , "This is for eternity"
The second day, the second lady cannot avoid it and accidently steps on a duck.
St Peter doesn't miss a thing and brings a very ugly man with him and chains her to him. "This is forever!"
The third lady goes for a month and avoids stepping on any ducks.  St Peter comes up to her and chains a very handsome young man to her.  She is totally suprised.  She looks at the young man and asks, "Why are you here?""  He says,'  I don't know about you but I stepped on a duck!"
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Pheasant Hollow Farm
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EST. 2001 Owner/Operator Located in Slate, WV

« Reply #89 on: September 30, 2008, 07:09:40 AM »

Here's one for today...
Enjoy s020

Steve
Pheasant Hollow Farm

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he
noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little
ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the
middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet. The wagon was being
pulled by her dog and her cat. 
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a
nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.
'Thanks,' the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer.
The fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar
and to the cat's testicles.
'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how
to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's
collar, I think you could go faster.'
 
The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but
then I wouldn't have a siren.'

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Specializing in Manchurian Ring-necked Pheasants and Melanistic Mutant Pheasants for release, propagation and the hunting community. Licensed by the State of WV. DNR# D6-42-23-GF1
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