Joke of the day

[jbird]

MISBEHAVING 

One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the misbehaving that was going on. So he called one of his angels to go to Earth for a time.  When he returned, the angel told God, 'Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.'

God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down another angel to get a second opinion'

So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.  When the angel returned he went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.' 

God was not pleased.  So he decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because he wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.
 
 

Do you know what the e-mail said?

 
No?



 
Okay, just checkin' with ya.  I didn't get one either...

[jaime7997]

 

[jimmurray3]

Now that's an e-mail I never would have got j45 j45

[jbird]

I thought there might be a few of us that would look at that way.   

[wildergamebirds]

  I would share the contents with you guys, but it was confidential, and I choose to keep him on my side, for now, at least.   

[jbird]

 see how you are   

[jbird]

Baptist Cowgirl!!
A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia , the other is in Dublin .

When we all left our home in Arkansas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.

She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent.When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,

"I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains," It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.

"Hasn't affected my sisters though!"
 thought you all might like this one. ( no pun intended )

[NH/Pete]

 j45

[Pheasant Hollow Farm]

A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where
they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room,
so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally
left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his
error, sent the email to another recipient.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from
her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory
following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor,
and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived Date: October 16, 2004

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now
and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived
and have been checked in.

I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!


 j41

Steve
Pheasant Hollow Farm

[NH/Pete]

 j45 j45

[jbird]

That would be a shock           
Good one       j41

[jaime7997]

That's one I haven't heard!! 

[Pheasant Hollow Farm]

Divorce settlement

A married couple is driving (55 mph) down the interstate. The wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been
married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing but slowly increases to 60 mph.

She says, "I want the house."

Again the husband speeds up to 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids too."

The husband just keeps driving faster and faster, speeding to 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too."

The husband slowly starts to veer towards a bridge, as she says,
"Is there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."

She asks, "Really? What's that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph,

"I've got the airbag!"

Steve
Pheasant Hollow Farm

[NH/Pete]

So true j41

[frank_lap_127]