More immigration problems for Canada

Illegal alien liberals running in droves to Canada from the

USA, and the front page of the Manitoba Herald reads:

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into

Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for

increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent

actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning

citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to

agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of

sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians

crossing their fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a

Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red

Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold,

exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some

free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I

even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher

fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers

that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he

said. "The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so

much that they wouldn't give any milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet

liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station

wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left

to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,"

an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a

single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little

Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often

wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors

have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education

camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch

NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing

the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus

trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-

dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration

authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-

citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they

were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on

the Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,"

an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are

creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the

Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals,

but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa

resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada,

Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged

that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A

source close to President Obama said, "We're going to have some Paul

McCartney and Peter, Paul &Mary concerts. And we might even put some

endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to

reach out," he said.